The Last time i posted i was talking about pressure.. not i am sort of relieved and yet having lots of pressure.. it made me break down.. i guess i put too much pressure on myself..

i was worried about getting into SMU because the requirement was 2 years working experience or in lieu CFA grade 1 pass.. obviously since i am only graduating in June, i don't have either requirements so i asked my dad if that was going to be a problem and i was worried
about the timings as well because i felt it was so soon..

my dad told me to postpone my masters and work first so that i am actually doing something instead of sitting around for 1 year..i am happy at that thought and yet i am worried..

but here's the thing

Happy

i'm happy because that means that i will be more relaxed, having the break that i always wanted after i graduate and i won't excatlly be rushed into doing something and yet be unsure about..

Unhappy

i'm unhappy because it kinda spoils my life plans because i wanted to finish my masters by 21 which i am next year... but i guess its all right because i'm onli 21 next year.. sigh..

well there are actually more worries that i have that i don't really wanna write down here but i guess sometimes it just gets something off your chest?

i have been craving for food from home, so i went to dinner at a malaysian restaurant with a friend yesterday and as soon as i walked in i smelt the smell of nasi lemak... i was gonna eat mee goreng but i suddenly craved for nasi lemak due to the smell..hehe.. BUT they ran out..haha..so i ate what i wanted in the first place, and the plate was HUGE!! hahaha..

anyways i bought something that i wanted to buy before..



















Plastic Shot Glasses..hahaha.. i wanted to buy plastic shot glasses but i never found any but i finally managed to find some today.. they came in pack of 20's and i bought 3 packets straight away..haha no i dun have any urge to drink or anything but i just felt like buying them anyways..lol..

this is all from me today..

The pressure is getting to me after meeting with lecturers, she was telling us that it's already week 7 and we only have 4 weeks left before handing in our project.. damn suddenly it all came crashing down, there's a whole lot of work to do before finally graduating.. the prospects of graduating is so near and yet so far..i used to tell myself when i finish my degree will be the happiest time of my life but i realised that i had much more to do before i actually finish finish.

I've got the following to complete before finishing my semester on June 22nd, the convocation ceremony will be in October some time so i will go back first but then i was thinking whether i can actually go back or not as i will have to start SMU soon after i finish..

I've got

1 industry project
1 reflection essay
1 personal vision and mission statement (personal statement)
1 Corporate Finance assignment
1 Strategic Management paper
1 Corporate Finance Exam

That's 6 more which are in my way before i finish, hope i can finish the whole thing in time, i received one of my assignments back today, satisfied with the mark i achieved though my lecturer told me i had more in me to write... i wrote well over the word limit already.. haha by about 600 words.. i got a A+ on it.. =) 86% but barely an A+, they start from 85% so yeah..

If all goes well i will finish on June 22nd, i have to quickly pack and get to go back to Brunei for a week or so. If i get into SMU, i will have to start the first week of July immediately, orientation then the first module would be two weeks then i would have a 2 month break which i would probably have to do internship, but probably can do it with a bank in Brunei.

I realised how much pressure i had and e-mailed my dad and ask if i should really do this as that would mean that it's very tight on my schedule but he replied "I Think the Timing is Perfect!", Oh my God.. thats the second time my dad said something which killed me, one was saying my grades weren't good enough for SMU becuase he saw alot of CC which means Cross Credits by the way on my current transcript thinking it was C for Credit...

I almost lost my phone today, thank goodness the lady held on to the phone and answered when i called looking for it.. if not it would be like the 3rd phone that i have lost in Auckland, yes i lost 2 so far, my Motorola E1000 and the P910i which got stolen...

that's all from me for now..

Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)
And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

Bon appetit.

Tuna and potato bake!

Maccers breakie

It's been a while since i last blogged...

not much has happened since then, im into my second week of holidays and i've just spend it at home sleeping and sleeping.. i want to go to the movies but i never seem to get my ass up to go.. i always stay awake in the night and sleep during the day time.. i need things to do during the day but to no avail.. i always end up sleeping during the way... sunday and monday was terrible, me trying to get back to my sleep pattern.. slept at 2am and woke up at 5am.. without being able to go back to sleep only going back to sleep in the late afternoon for another 4-5 hours making me not being able to sleep at night

last night i tried an earlier approach.. slept at 10 but i ended up waking up at 3! and i got hungry.. my body clock is really messed up and i really don't know what i can do to cure my stupid body time.. but i guess when uni starts again my clock will slowly adjust.. well that's what i hope anyways.. better to hope than not hope at all eh? but yeah.. baby kept calling me today to keep me awake but after i talk to her i lie down for a while and i just switch off, it seems i go into nightmares into nightmares.. its terrible.. sigh.. but the nightmares don't make me run its just bad dreams i guess..

when i do try to go back to bed in the early morning, i just lie in bed for 1-2 hours and think abt all sorts of things.. even when i tell myself to sleep after 10 mins i think of something else.. eeps.. i need help.. its 5pm now and i got up an hour ago and i am still sleepy.. sigh... what can i do? someone help me with this sleep.. i wan to sleep easy.. i envy those who can sleep the whole day and yet sleep the whole day.. i can't!!

i need easy sleep...

suffering from insomnia..

My terrible fried rice.

Nuggets

My dinner

Blue tissue.

Donuts.:)

I did buy my bagel with cream cheese but i ate it on the way up thus no photo.oops.i'm full and maybe it's time for bed.hehe.

And after a good breakfast

We have one happy customer.hehe.

Mcd breakfast.

Craving for few days, i purposely didn't sleep.well i want the bagel from dunkin donuts too.but that's next stop.i'm here coz of hash brown and i bought an extra one.:-).

You are fine
You are sweet
But I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak
I feel sparks
But I don't wanna be into you
If you are not looking for true love, oh oh
No I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one
So tell me when it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok)
Say Ok.

When you call I don't know if I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy
But I don't wanna be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe (feel safe)

When it's not alright
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok
Don't run away, don't run away)
Let me know if it's gonna be you
Boy, you've got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away so
Let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you won't be shy
Will you wipe my tears away
Will you hold me closer
When it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok)
Say OK
(Don't run away, don't run away)
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok, don't run away)
Will you say OK
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok)

two whole nights without sleep you have no idea how bloody tired i am.. in the last 48 or so hours i have onli managed to sleep a maximum of 5 hours.. my head is spinning my body is getting cold and my eyes are red as hell.. haha..

i really needa go to bed as soon as i get home.. i just cant wait for my last class to finish then go home take a shower and lie in bed and just sleep for god knows how long..cud be all the way up to tomorrow night though i doubt it but i dun really care.. my body requires LOTS n LOTS of sleep as my whole body has basically shut down.. even typing this i cant control my left hand is dying on me while my right is haywire.. lol.. there's little errors coz i keep back spacing and retyping it.. haha..

anyways this is it from me.. im dead tired...

/edit/

i cant wait for the day to be over coz that means the start of my holidays.. i have never looked so forward to holidays when im not going home.. haha but i guess its because im just so tired i need the break.. really wish i cud go home though but if i cant i guess thats just fate telling me not to huh? or it cud just be a stupid stubborn mistake a fren made. hahah

/end edit/

exclusivelydaniel

Shiny full moon

I decided that one day when i get home all i want to do is get in the car and drive.. it doesnt matter where i go.. i will turn right and then turn left then turn right.. it doesnt matter where i go..as long as i got a full tank of petrol and good music.. just drive as far as i can.. drive and stop when i am hungry at a restaurant i have never been to..just try whatever they have on offer..

going to restaurants never been to, going to villages never been to.. just driving and enjoying the drive without any worries... turning off the mobile phone and just relax.. drive as far as it takes us and yet eating whatever which comes by.. going into shops never been to before.. i reckon that way home will be an entirely different place.. a place where you thought you know so well but yet it's an entirely different place... if i had a car right now i will just drive.. drive wherever it takes me.. drive on the motorway, drive on the small roads... going places never been to before and just feel the experience..

this is all i guess

I feel lost...

suddenly i just don't know where i am and what i am.. suddenly all life's plans just suddenly seems to go away.. i guess if we live life more the way it is and not plan it maybe life would take us in a different direction.. i once said i don't fear change but thats all a lie.. i fear change so much.. a small change can affect our lives so much..

what if we just dont plan to know what we want to do tomorrow we dont plan what we want to do in a weeks, a month, a year.. what if we just got in the car and just started driving with no road map.. just drive as far as we can..what if we just run away from reality for a while. what will we be able to tell ourselves? What about ourselves would we realise when we thought we knew it all..

i suddenly missed so much about the past.. in high school where it seems to be the best times of my life.. how everything was so carefree.. we can just do anything and not worrying about the next day.. but truth be told i spend very little of that.. some of it was taken away from me but i guess i still managed to live life to the fullest every chance i got..

somehow i miss all my friends in adelaide.. well not all.. i just miss eric and wayne.. how the three of us would hang out after uni.. just go to rundle mall and sit in the middle looking at all walks of life.. either drinkin at hudsons or gloria jeans or the midnight trips to the casino to have the so called free coffee which cost liek $200 sometimes and also the cheap $2 fish and chips which was bloody cheap and unhealthy but hey we survived on that for a few days each week.. the times when eric was upset and we wud just walk nowhere in the cold winter night and yet managing to make fools of ourselves and enjoy..

now when i just want someone to talk to it just seems so far away.. i guess its my own wrong doing as well not wanting to make frens and wanting to focus on my studies but looking on the bright side i have onli achieved A's and B's except for that one stupid C which was given i reckon unfairly.. i guess you make sacrificies in life.. but which one should you make is the question isnt it..

im just lost.. i dunno where i am headed, i dunno where i shud go...